defiance and a whole lot of nothing said
Updated: May 21, 2020
The rain is the eternal muse, oh sky.
And still I want to cry when the yawning
music rises up and rose petals out
from the noise of the beaded wet falling
on the tin-covered roof of my bedroom.
This world inside is all an abstract mood of isolation:
news anchors — insufficient funds — overdraft fees —
worry over writing and health — silence over authenticity —
stagnation over practice — weed over work — the idea
of struggle over the creation of art — youtube over mental
health — alone time over friends — distance over flesh —
beauty over truth — cliche and vaguery over invention —
stupidity of the self over the fucked up structures of
society — all alive and lost in the unnameable
complexities of being over the problem of
existence and the other — the trench coat of death over
the long shawl of god — invisible networks over the words
that fall out when the heart meets the bottom of the stomach
like a brick sitting in the bottom of a wet paper bag which
hangs above the body of a dear friend’s baby — the prodding
of the soft spot on the head over a world built on a foundation
of stone and concrete which itself sits on an unending rock —
all gloomy principle, defined, ill-advised, and risen temper
over the thrashing of a thrush among the trees I will never know
how to name — protector of the dying and helplessly mummified
heart, touch me here where the chest melts into the liquid which
sits behind the ribcage, and feel out the ruin that grows into
flowers, blossoms about, and vanishes again like my father
who seems to refuse to call me, the coward!
But the world outside my protective walls
accepts that the sky is wandering to
the earth. The spider hides in the bark of
a lichen-encrusted oak tree and allows
its master-net to be meticulously
deconstructed by a billion tiny
and wet hands; and still, she will quietly
rebuild in the morning without complaint,
that horrifying carpenter I love to watch!
A seagull still floats in the air like a
silly photograph, a bluejay takes
cover, unseen and sopping, among the
bramble and the brush. And the deer head off
to wherever the deer go to keep dry,
unless they, too, welcome the cold wet the
same way the meandering tomato plant
in the backyard does: joyously and yet
unfeeling in an isness so infinite, it lingers
Long after the plant has been uprooted and
composted or burned. It lingers long after
the house that stood on that plot of land
has become overgrown with the thoughtless
reproduction of ivy and other plant cells, and
long after all human life has been vanquished in
accidental whispers that even the decomposing
body of the once-sun will never hear. It lingers
long after an eternity of eternities
have brought about all the heart beats of big bangs
and lights. Long after that ultimate, inevitable
darkness of all creation finally falls, still that
isness shall prevail and linger and sit,
exactly as I sit within these privileged walls
the rain has not yet penetrated, in the deep,
confounding dungeon of my own mystifying,
absurd, and overall idiot sadness, which is but
the smallest hint of all things that ever dared
to touch or express something of the
forever going and infinitely beautiful
eye-shadow of god!